Category: self-love

I need clarity. 
I find it crazy that just by starring at crystals you choose the one that stands out to you and you’re matched with the one you need in your life in that moment. I like to think that this was a sign, a sign that I’m going through the right motions and not just going through the motions. But even if it was the latter, I’m glad I’m going through this.
Now from what I’ve read and watched, herkimer is the most powerful of quartz. It’s attuning. It’s healing. It’s magnifying. It’s clarifying.  
I was drawn to it over an amethyst necklace. The herkimer was dainty and small  but still stood out from the rest. It had black deposits casting a darker shade but to me looked the brightest. Something about it drew me to it so I bought it.
It’s important to have affirmations with it, right? My affirmations for the quartz is:
Clarify my path, 
Guide me to my souls passion,
Bring creativity into my every doing.
Clarify. Clarify. Clarify.
Bring out what I need to do.
What do I mean by clarify?
Just to be clear, I’m clarifying what clarifying means to me?
Why go there?
My mind thinks in a way where I need a clear meaning of what “what is”.
But the paradox is it doesn’t have a clear meaning.
It is.
So where does this go?
It goes beyond.
Beyond me.
Beyond you.
Beyond us.
What do we do with it?
Nothing.
It already did what it did.
So what’s the point of this conversation?
The point of this conversation is to listen.
Listen to what?
My thoughts.
But it doesn’t go anywhere.
Without even knowing it I hold on to ideas, almost obsessively, when the whole point of all this is:  
things will show up, things will be as they should be.

But my mind always goes in circles that it misses the whole point.

 

I lift my pen off my journal.

Oh, so that’s anxiety…

Dear Rachel,
You’re missing the whole point.

Let go.

With you always,

Stupid.

Ouch. Embarrassingly one of the most used words against me. Sometimes from strangers, other times from people close to my heart. Sometimes for fun, other times to hurt. But who am I to say otherwise? I am in no way agreeing. I understand — I never gave them a chance.

I never gave them a chance because I felt unworthy of who I was.

I never gave them a chance because I didn’t have a voice.

I never gave them a chance because I, myself, started believing it was true.

It’s all labels. Labels we draw on others with washable markers never needing to think twice about it because it washes off the first try. Labels we never realized that just on the other side, the receiver tattooed those words in bright obnoxious colours deep within their skin to be reminded day after day the permanency and painful traces it leaves behind. Labels that scar. Labels that hurt. Labels that embed fear. Labels that stay.

I get it. Being boxed in in someone’s eyes is somewhat easier, almost comforting, but in all honesty – – it’s lazy. Because you’re passing all responsibility away from yourself. Because the fear of stepping outside that box requires you to redefine yourself, by yourself. And how do you redefine yourself after years and years of being closed in? Where can you, do you, even begin?

You begin with you. The you that is worthy of every waking moment given to you by this earth. The you that speaks in bold, underline and italics through body, mind and heart. The you that deserves truth. The you that believes in you! It is now our chance to breakthrough our cemented self-doubts and into the infinite unknown.

So maybe it isn’t that we fear the labels and judgements, but rather we fear the alternative — freedom.

It is now our chance to give them that chance.

You are stupid. You are free.

With you always,

Today is the day you finally accept the good that has been waiting for you. Yes, You! Those loud roars of Don’ts and Can’ts you hear in your head, release them. They serve no purpose today.

The same as exercising our body for physical strength, it’s time we exercise our self-love starting with observing our self-talk for mental and spiritual strength.

What we say after “I am” is who we are. What we repeatedly say to ourselves, whether good or not so good, becomes validated because we shift every being of ourselves to prove that thought right. We begin to believe it’s true. Our words become our reality and our reality becomes our world.

Our world can go either way:

I am a fool. I am naive. I am weak. I am broken. I am wrong. I am overreacting. I am empty.

Everything shrinks, feel a bit colder and slowly crumbles down.

Or…

I am not a fool.

I am brave.

I am not naive.

I have a big heart.

I am not weak.

I am strong.

I am not broken.

I am healing.

I am not wrong.

I am learning.

I am not overreacting.

I am deserving.

I am not empty.

I am enough.

Everything grows, feels warmer and builds on acceptance.

Focus on your words alone and not of others. Your words become your world. That’s why it’s important, almost crucial, you choose words that heal and only speak the truth — your truth!

Happy Monday!

lost & found

I had this strong sudden urge to go for a walk. I was feeling a little cloudy in the mind and a little heavy

in the soul. I’ve learned the best thing to do when I’m lost in the memories and lessons of the past is just

walk it off.

The park was a familiar place for me. A little bit too familiar. Inside of me needed something new to see

and feel. So I walked pass the swings, the slides and the benches of my safe zone towards the

unfamiliar. I felt my soul was finally in control and my body was just its’ shadow.

I lost myself in Avenues, Crescents, Drives and Boulevards. I knew deep down inside of me that

eventually I will find my way back but I’m the type of person that needed to leave a trail of bread crumbs

to follow back home and because of this, the fear of not knowing “When” or “How” got the best of me.

Instantly I knew I was meant to be and needed to be exactly where I was — Lost.

I continued on asking for signs, signs not to direct me back but signs as to why I was where I

was. Suddenly I realized why: I felt small. I felt empty. I felt lost. I knew something in me wanted more.

Something in me was seeking significance and purpose. Something in me knew it wasn’t

anything tangible and found here on earth.Something in me knew I had no choice but to lay everything I

thought I knew and everything I thought I was onto trust and faith alone.


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So I began shifting my mind in the here and now, the present moment. This shift allowed me to see and

appreciate the beauty that is around me. The beauty in hearing every leaf sing and dance with the wind

and sweep its’ crispy edges against the pavement. How un-apologetically the flower’s contrasted

brightly against the the dark green vines and broken down wooden fences. And how the clouds silently

smiled down giving everyone and everything both warmth and coolness under its shade. This shift

brought beauty back to me.

I was feeling the flower child tinglies but still had no clue where I was. Just as I was about to give into

fear and turn around to follow my trail of bread crumbs back to safety, I remembered to breathe, keep

walking, trust that I am where I am suppose to be and have a little bit of faith. That’s when I turned the

corner and was brought right back to the familiar.

I felt accomplished and liberated so I decided to remove my flip-flops and walk bare foot. Feeling twigs

scratching the un-callused parts of my feet. The cool stringy feeling of grass. The grainy feel of the dirt

beneath me. Sigh…

BARK!

I thought I had received all the signs I needed already but apparently I had everything but a loud

aggressive bark of a German-Sheppard. The dog’s bark was a surprise. A good surprise actually. It was a

genuine acknowledgement of my presence. To me the barking was life shouting out — I see you. You are

acknowledged. You are alive!

This is how my spirit speaks to me. I use to think that being sensitive was a burden and a little too much

to handle. But I grew in believing that being a sensitive soul is a gift. It’s a gift that allows you to see past

the surface level and tap into a deeper meaning. This deeper meaning that awakens the soul and makes

you feel alive. My vulnerability to my surrounding opened me up to appreciating the tiniest things and

through appreciation, I saw what my God saw. Most importantly I saw what He saw in me.

Sometimes there’s too much focus on the noise it takes away from rooting the problem for us to refresh

and plant a solution.


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There is too much want and not enough need.

There is too much “should be” and not enough ‘I am”.

There is too much of too much and not enough of being enough.

I believe you don’t need to be religious to experience a spiritual high. All it is is being vulnerable and

open to receive what life has been waiting to give to you. Can you believe that? Life is waiting for YOU.

Not the other way around with you waiting for life to happen. Life is waiting by your side as you stroll

down the street, not at the end of the street. Life is waiting with you while you sit down sipping coffee as

you scroll through your social media accounts, not at the next vacation destination. Life is waiting by

your side now, not later.

Be vulnerable and be open because you never know what you’ll find when you lose yourself.

Happy Thursday!