sigh of relief

I am pretty much a low key Hoarder.
Actually I am a Hoarder.
Not pretty much. Not low key.

I am. 

I’m not extreme but if you look through my drawers you’ll find receipts, ticket stubs, city maps, loose buttons and all kind of random so-called-goodies in there. After how many years of hoarding, I finally snapped out of it and realized the real meaning behind why I did what I did.
I’m not so much attached to the object but more attached to the feelings and stories the object represents. Safe to say, I caught the feels. The curse of the ISFJ personality. I found myself being too attached to this “thing” that this “thing” started to control me. I would feel the stress of this huge burden weighing down on me and I always wondered what that was? Why do I feel so heavy? It wasn’t the KFC last night. No, this is something different.
One bad habit of mine is hiding anything that’s out of place. I hide it in the drawers. Under the carpet …Quick, in the closet! This was the ultimate lazy girl guide to cleaning. But that’s the problem, it was just hiding. Nothing was ever put away in it’s proper place. Things would start to collect dust, deteriorate and eventually pile up.
That’s the moment I decided to declutter. I cleared the random memorabilia’s that were camping inside my drawers. Hmm..Feeling lighter but I knew I could do more. So I looked through my wardrobe. Then I attacked the kitchen. The living room. The washroom. Again, I was hanging on to clothes, cups, papers, expired products just to preserve the remaining bit of memory left in them. Two garbage bags later, I saw a decade of my life all wrapped in black with a pretty bow on top.
I never realized that I closed my own door, leaving only myself inside. I held on to the past believing it was my only identity. “Hold on to it as long as you should, Rachel.” It was never could or can. In my own world, holding on to these “things” was my duty, an obligation I held myself responsible for.
As I looked around, I found a sense of peace and clarity. I am now able to look at an object around my home and remember just days or weeks of when and how I received it, instead of years. I am now able to hold on to something that represents my present self and not fall back to who I was.
I feel better. I am better. And might I add, my place is looking great! I’m no longer holding on to the memories. I’m no longer holding on to the “thing”. I’m no longer holding on to the past. But most importantly, I am in control.
Take the time to create an environment that embraces your journey and encourages your growth. With the past accepted and cleared out of the way, you are now able to thrive forward into your chosen path.
My mom taught me to always clean my room. I’m glad I finally listened.
My home is now my home. My home is now open to receive. 

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