I had this strong sudden urge to go for a walk. I was feeling a little cloudy in the mind and a little heavy
in the soul. I’ve learned the best thing to do when I’m lost in the memories and lessons of the past is just
walk it off.
The park was a familiar place for me. A little bit too familiar. Inside of me needed something new to see
and feel. So I walked pass the swings, the slides and the benches of my safe zone towards the
unfamiliar. I felt my soul was finally in control and my body was just its’ shadow.
I lost myself in Avenues, Crescents, Drives and Boulevards. I knew deep down inside of me that
eventually I will find my way back but I’m the type of person that needed to leave a trail of bread crumbs
to follow back home and because of this, the fear of not knowing “When” or “How” got the best of me.
Instantly I knew I was meant to be and needed to be exactly where I was — Lost.
I continued on asking for signs, signs not to direct me back but signs as to why I was where I
was. Suddenly I realized why: I felt small. I felt empty. I felt lost. I knew something in me wanted more.
Something in me was seeking significance and purpose. Something in me knew it wasn’t
anything tangible and found here on earth.Something in me knew I had no choice but to lay everything I
thought I knew and everything I thought I was onto trust and faith alone.
So I began shifting my mind in the here and now, the present moment. This shift allowed me to see and
appreciate the beauty that is around me. The beauty in hearing every leaf sing and dance with the wind
and sweep its’ crispy edges against the pavement. How un-apologetically the flower’s contrasted
brightly against the the dark green vines and broken down wooden fences. And how the clouds silently
smiled down giving everyone and everything both warmth and coolness under its shade. This shift
brought beauty back to me.
I was feeling the flower child tinglies but still had no clue where I was. Just as I was about to give into
fear and turn around to follow my trail of bread crumbs back to safety, I remembered to breathe, keep
walking, trust that I am where I am suppose to be and have a little bit of faith. That’s when I turned the
corner and was brought right back to the familiar.
I felt accomplished and liberated so I decided to remove my flip-flops and walk bare foot. Feeling twigs
scratching the un-callused parts of my feet. The cool stringy feeling of grass. The grainy feel of the dirt
beneath me. Sigh…
I thought I had received all the signs I needed already but apparently I had everything but a loud
aggressive bark of a German-Sheppard. The dog’s bark was a surprise. A good surprise actually. It was a
genuine acknowledgement of my presence. To me the barking was life shouting out — I see you. You are
acknowledged. You are alive!
This is how my spirit speaks to me. I use to think that being sensitive was a burden and a little too much
to handle. But I grew in believing that being a sensitive soul is a gift. It’s a gift that allows you to see past
the surface level and tap into a deeper meaning. This deeper meaning that awakens the soul and makes
you feel alive. My vulnerability to my surrounding opened me up to appreciating the tiniest things and
through appreciation, I saw what my God saw. Most importantly I saw what He saw in me.
Sometimes there’s too much focus on the noise it takes away from rooting the problem for us to refresh
and plant a solution.
There is too much want and not enough need.
There is too much “should be” and not enough ‘I am”.
There is too much of too much and not enough of being enough.
I believe you don’t need to be religious to experience a spiritual high. All it is is being vulnerable and
open to receive what life has been waiting to give to you. Can you believe that? Life is waiting for YOU.
Not the other way around with you waiting for life to happen. Life is waiting by your side as you stroll
down the street, not at the end of the street. Life is waiting with you while you sit down sipping coffee as
you scroll through your social media accounts, not at the next vacation destination. Life is waiting by
your side now, not later.
Be vulnerable and be open because you never know what you’ll find when you lose yourself.