I’m busy. I’m too tired. I just don’t know what to write.
These words have been circling in my head and only today did I notice that it’s been a month since my last post. I’ve been thinking too much and not doing enough. Funnily, my last post was about doing more and thinking less. But that really goes to show that we’re all human beings. We know what’s right and what’s best for us but our actions are what matters most. I was writing earlier, just ranting about nonsense really, and I came to a conclusion — I have nothing to write. I couldn’t even imagine how I could possibly reach 10 word count. I knew I needed to reflect on my habits and lifestyle: What do I want to keep and what can I change? I’ve realized that ever since I began working again I got myself stuck into a routine that was revolving around work and not around me. It’s a bit crazy to think that a couple months ago I was all into getting out of the house, getting myself back into the workforce, making a “living” that I forgot the most important thing – to LIVE.
Everyone says that life gets in the way. It really does. Thankfully I’ve acknowledged it and doing my best to change it. I just finished a book a couple days ago Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton and it’s an eye-opener to so many things regarding parenting, relationships, and life. I definitely recommend it. She approaches life in a way that’s admirable, real and so raw. She makes it clear that as a parent she doesn’t look for grades, for everything to go in order, for perfection but to raise children to be a better person not only to the world but to themselves. To become a forgiving human being because there will be many times in life where things won’t go as planned, we are left disappointed and we can’t see past our sunsets. But, the difference is what we make of of ourselves once the sun rises. She shares so many of her stories; the good ones and the not so good ones. I loved every page. There’s a saying, “Every Saint has a past, and every Sinner has a future.” She is a great example of that.
I tend to over-think things and scare myself from taking actions especially when there’s a possibility of having an audience. I was scared I had nothing important to say but here I am on to my 400th word count and not even close to finishing my thought. With work in my life now I forgot to have that conversation with God. I was praying to get out of the house and just be able to do something outside of home, but here I am still feeling “empty”. In Carry On, Warrior she shares her experience during her time of moving from place to place, and just went for the unknown hoping to find happiness and peace. But during this time she always finds herself still feeling empty. She mentions how she was told where ever she moves, she is always there. We need to find happiness, contentment and love in our self because the external factors from this world is and will always be secondary.
I’ve forgotten to live. I’ve forgotten to challenge myself and experience new things. Stuck reading books upon books, I think it’s time to apply what I’ve learned. Reading has become a comfort zone, an invisible force field from my imagination to my reality. Living means feeling, expressing, sharing and connecting with others. By living, we share a piece of our imagination to others reality and with a tall glass of grateful juice by your side, life can’t get any more beautiful than that.
Get back on being vulnerable. Get back to running heart first towards fear. Get back on living.
657 word count. Nailed it.